Reversed
by Frangi
Summary: Story that starts after 5x10 "Significant Others". Kate Beckett and Castle are having big issues. But it's different now, almost a reversed situation. Is Beckett ready to fight? And is Castle ready to accept Beckett in his life, not only as a lover, but also as a soulmate? Because maybe, not everything is what it seems...
1. Chapter 1

_Hi dear reader! I am so happy that you are willing to read my story! I was just studying and suddenly this chapter hit me and I had to write it down. I'm new at this, so it would be nice if you could review! If you have any questions just pm me! I have no idea where this story is actually going, but I assure you there will be plenty of tension. I really hope you enjoy! Thanks!_

_Note: sadly, I do not own Castle nor any of the characters. They just tend to give me a lot of inspiration! Thank you Marlowe!_

**CHAPTER I: Ka-boem!**

Kate Beckett sat down looking around in her apartment. That place that used to feel like home, the safe harbor she could always return to, now felt cold an abandoned. She hadn't heard from him in the past three days and the feelings started to take control over her. She was not used to this. This was the kind of shit that happened in movies, not in her life. Well, actually… it did.

"Guess I wasn't born for luck after all…" She whispered to herself.

And, argh…Work didn't feel the same. She could have thought he wouldn't come. But she was still hoping. Well, false hope. When she checked in at the precinct on Wednesday morning, she was hoping to smell that familiar coffee scent. Ryan and Esposito asked her where he was, and she didn't know what to say. She told them he had the flu and he'll probably be back in a few days. How could they know? How could they know that question felt like a thousand knives through her chest, like she was being shot all over again. Just to make it worse, there was only paperwork to do. God, she hated paperwork. She needed a murder, something to take her thoughts to another place. Because lately she could use that some escape. She immediately felt guilty for that thought… It was actually a good thing that people weren't dying. But still… She was brutally taken from her thoughtful daydreaming when the phone started to jingle. Her heart skipped a beat. Who the hell would call her up at eight in the morning on a Saturday? It could only be… her father. For just a second she played with the idea of just letting it ring, but she had to pick up. She hadn't heard from him in weeks. Well, actually it was the other way around.

"Hi dad."

"Ooh, Katie! I've been trying to reach you for weeks now! I know you're busy but sometimes your old man likes to hear the sound of your voice! How are you?"

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry but it has been busy here lately. Work is killing me! I'm fine, I'm fine, how are you?" hearing the voice of her father almost made her cry. She was this close to telling him the whole story, but she just didn't feel like it. Not now, not today. Maybe next time.

"You don't sound fine, Katie. What's up?"

"No, nothing, nothing. I'm just very tired with all of the stuff going on lately I don't really know where my head is anymore. But I'm fine, I'll figure it out. And you ignored my question, how are you, dad?"

"I'm okay, enjoying the days. Except from the snow. I hate snow, but overall I'm good. Especially now I hear you are still alive." She heard him laughing awkwardly trough the phone. Since the accident, he used to make jokes about life and death a lot more. She was fine with it, because humor was just his way of coping with things.

"Don't worry, dad, I'm doing great. And I'm still alive", she said with a little smile on her face, thinking of the irony of that sentence right now, "alive and kicking. I was just about to make myself some breakfast, actually."

"Well then, I will not longer disturb you. Hope you have a fine weekend, dear. Call me next week, we need to see each other. Over lunchtime maybe? It has been a very long time since I saw your face."

"I will do that. I promise! Next week! Bye, dad!"

"Bye, Kate. Take care!"

"Maybe I should eat something…" She thought. But she wasn't feeling like eating something. She was thinking about that one time when he came and made her pancakes for breakfast. She pretended she didn't like it, but she was a foolish girl back then. "Anyway", she said to herself, "maybe it's time to come back to life a, even just a little." She got up and went to the kitchen. She looked at her phone… Should she call him? That feeling was biting on her ever since the fight. Countless times she had her phone in her hand, his number dialed, all she needed to do was push that green button. But it was too much to ask. After all, he was the guy, wasn't he? She decided to take a shower; maybe it would wash the worries away.

He wanted to call her so badly but he just couldn't bring himself up to do it. Never had something scared him that much. Just the thought of her not picking up, or worse… Why couldn't things just work out for once? He took the phone and dialed the number. Preparing himself to push the button, he could almost hear her phone ringing in his head. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He tossed the machine of misery away and it smacked against the wall before it safely landed on the carpet. "Argh. At least one thing in my life that isn't broken." He mumbled. The second he said that he realized how cheesy that sounded. He was not one of those emotional people, he didn't understand. Never had he felt like this. Yes, he had been sad and hurt before. Even heartbroken, I mean, who hasn't. Of course he had problems, who didn't? But by never dealing with them, he never learned how to. It was always easier to deal with problems of someone else instead of looking into the mirror. There was a storm raging inside him, he felt something coming up. His respiration fastened and there it was. Hot and emotional tears. "What the hell am I doing?!" He thought to himself. There it was, Richard Castle, crying like a little baby. He couldn't even remember the last time he did this. Maybe in the end, everything was just too good to be true. Maybe what's meant to be, is just not always meant to be. He always thought that everything would be easy as long as there was love, and passion. But it's not always like that. He started to understand the meaning of that proverb he once thought silly. Sometimes, love is just not enough. He looked at his watch. 9 A.M. Alexis and Martha left yesterday evening to spend the weekend in the Hamptons. He promised he would follow today. He told them he had to take care of some stuff. Both his mother and daughter wisely didn't ask further questions, knowing he wouldn't answer anyway. He should get dressed, do something instead of lying in bed, staring at the phone waiting for it to ring every second. She wouldn't call, he knew. Maybe this time he went too far. But so did she, after all. He tried to remember all these words they said, but just couldn't stand the thought. "Anyway, get a grip Castle. She's just a woman, like any other. She'll get over it." He had been seeing that to himself the past three, wel almost four now, days like a mantra. Hoping it would help, but it didn't. He could hear the sound of her voice in his head. That one little sentence. Just some words. But it made him feel as if the world was still turning, but way too fast, and he was standing there, watching it happen but helpless to do anything about it. "How can I even think of being in a relationship with you if you can't tell me who you are, Castle? You need to tell me, I need to know. Why can't you trust me? Why don't you even try?!" He heard the despair in her voice. The sadness. Always the same argument, for months and months now. Why couldn't she just understand that for him, it has been hard enough to give it a place, to lock it up inside. He brought these things and feelings to a place where nobody could ever find them again, not even him. Talking about these things… they would just give him a depression. He tried to explain her countless times, but there was no talking possible with that woman. She was so stubborn. What was her problem anyway? They were happy, weren't they? So why does she need to know? They live in the present, not in the past. And maybe… just maybe… What if she was right? What if the only way of figuring these things out was talking about it? He should call her. It's enough. "Enough," He said to himself, "I'm done with this shit." He grabbed his phone from the carpet and dialed the number. He felt relieved to hear the sound of her voice, even more when he heard it sounded as sad as how he felt right now.

"Hi." Her heart was pounding in her chest like crazy. At this moment, her happiness couldn't be contained. He called! He actually called. That same moment she felt overwhelmed with fear. What if he just…

"We need to talk, Kate. We can't go on like this. I haven't slept or ate in days it's just that… I don't know what to do with myself, please tell me you feel the same way."

"I just… I… I don't know Castle. It's just that, maybe… I just…" Oh god just say it, woman. "I miss you so bad. I want to talk too. Just don't, well… you know…"

"I'm on my way."

The next thing Kate heard was the silence, the silence on the other end of the phone. He was coming. Oh god. Fear and happiness were just running through her body at the same time. But it was the fear that took over. Maybe she went to far this time. Yes, she had said things she didn't mean. Things that hurt him, she saw it on his face. That puppy-eyed look he always has when he's hurt. And now he was coming. She had to relax. Breath in, breath out. She turned the television on, in the hope it would distract her. All she could do now was wait. Wait, and hope.


	2. Chapter 2

_First of all, I'm so sorry for my late update! I've been very busy lately and I had too many things on my mind. But here it is anyway! I hope you enjoy it, please leave me some reviews I love reading them! Thanks for following my story!_

**CHAPTER II: What if?**

She heard the elevator doors opening. Her heart yet again felt like it would just jump out of her chest. She gave him the key a few weeks ago, in case of emergency, and she was wondering if he'd use it. A couple of seconds later she heard a silent knock on the door. Strangely, it made her feel weird that he didn't used the key. She opened the door and there he was. _Her_ man. It was still weird to think that, and eventhough all the shit that happened over the last couple of days, she still loved him deeply. Whether she said the words out loud or not, he knew. He just _had_ to know...

"Hi."

"Hello." They both stared at the ground, not knowing what to say or do. Usually they would hug and kiss, they hadn't seen eachother for at least three days... She made a hand gesture to tell him to come in, and he followed her inside the apartment. The place was actually a total mess, in fact a reflection of how she had been feeling these last couple of days.

"How was work?" he asked. Obviously not knowing what to say. The sound of his voice was... different. It gave her chills. She was harming herself, every second she thought he'd finally realize it. He'd finally know, that she wasn't that special after all. Every second her heart froze when he opened his mouth, thinking that he would say the horrible words _it's over, Kate_. She had this scene in her worst nightmares, but today it felt so real. As if she walked into one of her nightmares.

"It was fine. Nothing special. You didn't miss anything, it was just boring paperwork." He smiled. Oh god, he was so handsome when he smiled. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Good." He said. "I can stop feeling guilty for letting you alone then."

"It's fine Castle, I understand. It's not because we're together that we have to spend every second of every day together, you know. I'm a grown up woman, I can take care of myself." _Why the hell did I just say this? I'm so stupid_. Kate Beckett wanted to hit herself with the closest object she could find.

"I know that, Kate. I know that."

The tension was just devestating. She could cut through it with a knife, and even then it wouldn't go away. All she wanted was just... Right at that moment he bend over and took her by surprise. He pulled her close like he had never done before and she could feel the warmth of his skin passing through her clothes. His hands all over her body, she surrendered. He kissed her so passionately, she got goosebumps all over her body. "Don't to this to me again, Kate. I can't handle it. There's only that much a man can have." He whispered in her ear. She opened her eyes and stopped kissing him. She already heard it in his voice, but now she saw it. Those big hot salty tears. Not just tears, but really hot ones, the ones you cry when you are so broken the only thing you have left are those tears.

"Oh Castle." She said. "Please, please don't cry. I cried enough for us both the last few days."

"Hah, you have no idea. I could fill an Olympic swimming pool with all my tears." He laughed through his tears, and so did she. And there they were. Both crying, and laughing and thinking of how stupid this probably looked. "I feel like I'm in a cheap movie, Castle." She said. "Yeah, I know. But sadly, shit also happens in real life." She looked him in the eye, and saw what she should have seen earlier. A broken man. She had triggered something, and she felt so bad.

"I'm so sorry, I never intend to hurt you."

"I know Kate. I just thought I'd left my past behind, but with you I'm realizing it isn't as far away as I thought it was. And you are right. We should talk about this. And the argument we had, we shouldn't let it be. Because if I can't talk about this I don't see us moving forward. It's hard for me to say these things, but it's the truth." He smiled lightly. "And you are my future Kate, you are far more important then my past. Therefore, I'll tell you everything..." his voice broke and the tears came back in his eyes "you want to know. Just ask me. What you said earlier was true, you have every right to know this."

"Castle, you don't have to if you don't want to. I was harsh, maybe too harsh on you. I just didn't realize it would be this important. I'm so sorry, I don't know how to say it more clearly." She softly kissed him on his cheeks and could taste the salt that was still left there. She kissed his lips and hugged him tight. She remembered all those struggles they fought together. Those countless times she had been broken, and he was still there. Now it was her turn. Everything was reversed. She remembered all those times when he held her hand. It was time to say these words he'd always tell her. These words that made her want to get up in the morning and put one feet in front of the other. He needed to know. She had to say it.

"You're not in this alone. I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. Thank you."

She felt relieved. It was fine now, everything would turn out just fine. He sat down in the sofa, looking at the floor. She went to sit next to him, and curled her body around his. He pulled her close and she laid her head on his chest. His heartbeat felt like home. She felt safe again.

"I love you." She whispered.


End file.
